3 days of Disneyland fun

 

Ahh Disneyland at Christmas time really makes it the happiest place on Earth! This year we ventured to Disneyland a week before Christmas with the whole Bewley family. I was a bit nervous about how big the crowds would be a week before Christmas but a little rain in the forecast did the trick.

We hit the road early Sunday morning and 6 hours later we were in Disneyland. The weather was beautiful and the lines were short! We went on Small World for our first ride. We had a great first day and stayed much later than I thought we would after our early morning travels.

 

Day two was the day to meet Santa! I brought my camera that day since it was predicted to rain on Tuesday. We got some great family photos. As much as I love my camera it is a bit of a pain at Disneyland. Seeing Santa was so much fun....well not at first for Caden but he warmed up to him. We wandered over to Innovation Studios to see what that was about. Oh I am so glad we went over there. There were Superheroes!! The boys (Mike and Bryon included) turned themselves into Ironman. Calvin was even brave enough to meet Captain America! Besides Santa that was the only character Calvin was willing to meet up close. Caden surprisingly was open to the idea of meeting characters if you held him. Caden met Jesse, Woody, Minnie, Jake and Captain America. Grandma Bewley wanted to see the fireworks show at Disneyland followed by the snow equaled a great way to end the night.

 

 

 

 

before- just fine sitting next to Santa

after- why is he putting his arm around me?!

 

Innovation Studios- Ironman

 



 

 

Day three- our last day at Disneyland was mixed with a few sprinkles. It was beautiful weather and the light rain only lasted a few minutes. The lines were short and the crowds were, well I don't even know if you could call it a crowd until later on in the day. While the big kids (yes everyone is a kid at Disneyland) went on Radiator Springs Racers, Caden and I went over to another ride in Carsland. There was one other family on the ride besides me and Caden. That as never happened before. The ride would end, the Disney employee would come around and check our seat belts and the ride would start again. We rode it  three times before anyone else joined! We saw the Aladdin show and didn't know how well the boys would like it, so we sat on the aisle so we could sneak out if need be. They loved the show and now Calvin puts on an Aladdin show for us at the house.We ended up going back to the Innovation Studios so we could show the rest of the family how much fun it was. We ended the night exhausted and eager for our next trip back to the happiest place on Earth!

 

Thanks for a fun trip Bewley Family!

 

a new kind of normal

Things will get back to normal, you can focus on your boys.... We heard it all the time when people found out K was leaving. Now that she is gone, my normal feels upside down and incomplete. I feel like I am missing someone all the time, my house is too quiet and I catch myself starting to walk into her room at night to check in on her. My chest tightens and I feel like I can't breathe when a memory sneaks up on me. And yes we chose this, not to adopt her, however, I did NOT give her up. She was never mine to begin with. God brought this precious girl into our lives for a short period and we were so honored to be part of her story. We fought hard for her and got her help she so desperately needed. So for my sanity and your better judgement, please do not say "I could never give up my child." There is so much pain and anger that arises when that is said, and it is said more than it should be. I think most people don't have a clue how painful those words are and the words probably aren't meant in that way but that is how they are perceived.

I know I don't owe anyone an explanation of why we chose not to adopt her. I feel like that is a question that people are wanting answers to but Bryon and I made a decision that was best for our K and our family. In the end that is what is most important. K's information is private and it is not for us to share.

But what I do want people to know is the love we have for her. I LOVE her to pieces, so much that a piece of my heart left with her that day we dropped her off at her forever home. Her happiness and joy for life could fool you if you didn't know her, but in the end she needed a family that didn't have little kids.

I have A LOT of guilt about not adopting K. I fear that she will think that I just left her. I know that it was the best decision for our family and K and that is what matters in the end. Her adoptive family is amazing to say the least and has been so supportive during this time. Her adoptive mom has sent encouraging texts and pictures of K. Seeing the familiar joy on her face leaves me knowing the best decision occurred in the end. K is doing awesome in her forever home. She has older siblings who are crazy about her and a mom who gets to stay at home with her. We couldn't be happier with her forever family. We know she is loved unconditionally and in a home who loves God. Our future will fall into place one day and we can't wait to see who God brings next. I don't know when that will happen so in the mean time we will be getting used to our new normal.

a little bit of blogging therapy

 

This journey of foster care has been the craziest roller coaster ride I have ever been on. I stood in line anxiously waiting to get on this ride and yet once on the ride I didn't realize how many dips and turns I would be taking. Don't get me wrong, I selected this ride and knew it would be emotional and adventurous, however, no one can tell you how it is going to be until you get on and buckle up! Some days I hold on for dear life and other days I think, I can ride this ride again.

I was talking to a friend recently who is also a foster/adoptive mom and oh the joy it is to be able to talk to someone who truly gets it. I mean not just understanding the typical two year old fits but an image of something or a sound that sets off a child into a full blown screaming fit gets it. Strangers pass us and are so happy when our little lady runs over to them to say hi or hugs their leg. Inside I am yelling please don't encourage this, this is terrifying that she has no concept of strangers and would walk away with you in a heartbeat. But then later you pass us in the store when she is on the floor screaming and you give us your judgement eyes. What happened to the image you had of her a few minutes ago when she was sweet and loving. Trust me this is NOT how I want my child to act but this is our life right now... and all of those eyes are not helping. I have anxiety I never knew existed before. It also breaks my heart that I have never questioned myself as a mother until we got our little lady. I have tried and tried different ways of getting through to her and it doesn't work like it did with the boys or it will work for a brief moment and then it doesn't phase her. I have read parenting books and been to doctors to help her and you know what one doctor had the guts to tell me, she said I can see you are trying but you just don't know how to help her. I wish I was stronger telling people how I feel some days because through all of my tears I wanted to yell, you idiot! I am going crazy here trying to help her. Why do you think I am here?! I want to help her in every possible way that I can but I need your help in showing me how to do it!

There is a lot of crazy in our house, however, there are a lot of tender and loving moments. I have seen my boys change their understanding of her. Their relationships have changed from being overwhelmed with her to acceptance and love of their sister.  Her and Caden have this amazing bond with one another. The depth of love they have for one another is heart warming.  I have said before that her facial expressions are hilarious! I wish I didn't have to put a dot over her face so I could show you how funny she is. We have learned so much from her and how to help her the best that we can. We have seen so much progress in her since April.

We have a lot of court dates in the next few months and it will tell us what her future holds. This one of a kind roller coaster ride will be coming to an end one day and oh how I, we, will miss her. She truly is a one of a kind ride that we are privilege enough to go on with her. After all, it was us who got to see after the crazy free fall on the ride, the calmness that appears on her face once she realize she is safe. And that feeling is a feeling I will endure over and over.

My oh my, where has the time gone?

My poor poor blog has been put on the back burner and has just sat there collecting dust. These past few months have been a whirlwind of craziness, stress, doctor appointments, more doctor appointments, back to school and fun!

Let's start off by saying we officially we have 2 two year olds and a five year old in our house! Where do I begin.... the last post was dated May so I will play catch up from there.

June- Bryon and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary and I turned 30 at the end of the month. Rest of it is a blur :)

July- Mid July Bryon and I had the opportunity to sneek away to San Diego for a few days of much needed relaxation.  We relaxed on the beach for the most part but we also  went for walks, bike rides, played games, and ate the largest ice cream cone I have even seen.  It did feel very strange getting ready for the beach and not bringing a ton of stuff with us. With three kids and the boys allergies, we always have to pack a lot of stuff. We came back refreshed and got ready to celebrate K's 2nd birthday! She wanted a "Let It Go" party aka Frozen. We kept the party very small so she could enjoy her special day and not get overwhelmed. She had a blast and did so well! We feel very lucky to have been able to celebrate her special day with her.

August- Back to school already! Calvin started Aug. 4 at his new preschool. It is a 4 day program for 3 hours each day and he is loving it! We get to load the little ones in the stroller and walk to school every day. It is still pretty hot but luckily it is a short walk. The first week of school ended by Calvin bringing in birthday treats for his classmates. His actual birthday fell on a Saturday so we did a family party that same day. He requested a Minion themed party and a  bounce house with a water slide. It was a lot of fun and even the "big" boys joined in on the water slide fun. I can't believe next week is the last week of August already.

Just a quick update on the kids:

K is doing well. She is getting some services now and we are learning a lot about sensory play. The messier things seem to be a huge hit with everyone. She is a happy girl and we love seeing all of her funny facial expressions.

Caden- He is talking and talking, he is still limited, however, we are thrilled with his progress! We have been waiting to hear him talk for so long. He received his second set of ear tubes and had his adnoids out back in April and the doctor told us it could take up to 6 months for Caden to process everything and start talking more. He had hearing loss for almost his whole life and it is so amazing to hear him talk even though he gets SO embarrassed when doing so. He is one bashful kid, which makes him even cuter :)

 

Calvin- He is such a ham! He is quick on his feet and says some of the funniest things. Calvin is getting into Legos and is very creative with them. He is also into the tablet and Clash of Clans game Bryon and Grandpa Bewley play, well all of the Bewley boys are playing it now. 

A little girl makes 5!

  I can't believe on Friday K will have been with us for a month already! Life with three kids makes time go by even faster than I thought was possible and with balancing her crazy schedule along with ours - wow time flies.
   We can't share all of her information with you and I can't show you her big beautiful eyes or even write out her whole name on social media sites, but I can tell you she is one happy little girl! She loves the water and does the funniest thing with her hands and face when she plays in it. She has taught our boys about love to a degree I don't know if I ever would have been able to teach them without her.  These last few weeks have been exhausting and challenging. The boys have struggled along the way and we are finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

   We don't know what her future holds but we are enjoying the time we have with her.
Her little pink blob will be on every picture, but pink blob is better than no pictures at all :)

   
 

March Fun

March was a busy and emotional month here. Here are some snapshots of what we did.

 

We got the little girl room ready and decided to keepthe rib up. The boys really enjoy playing in it and it is good to have it ready for when she does arrive one day.

 

 

We also had a lot of "helping" moments.  Calvin helping Caden here in this picture.

 

Calvin's first time having"Mac & Cheese"

 He loved it! Caden on the other hand wouldn't eat it. Go figure!

 

Luke Days! We couldn't attend this year but we were able to get a sneak peek Friday as the Thunderbirds did their practice before the big weekend. We picked up In N Out and ate in the back of the Traverse. Calvin loved trying to take pictures of the jets.

 

 

My little Irish man. The green frosting mustache is the perfect accessory. 

 

Happy St. Patty's Day!

 

 

Spring Break- Meet Flat Calvin

Calvin's homework over break. We had to bring  Flat Calvin to the various places we went over break. Grandma and Grandpa Bewley gave us their box from their new patio furniture and the boys turned it into the best playhouse.

And what's more fun than turning finger painting into a little body art. Our bathtub never looked so colorful. 

This crazy adventure of adoption...

I think we had some rose colored glasses on when we thought of how our adoption journey would go. We get matched with a little girl and we live happily ever after (maybe not quiet like that but close).... We now know this journey will have some heartbreak involved.

We received a phone call early February of a possible match of a little girl. We got some basic information and decided we wanted to be considered for the match meeting. (match meeting- CPS gathers all possible families and narrows it down to  3 or 4 that would fit the needs of the child. Each family is presented by their agency and then a family is selected.) The meeting was held Feb. 14th, good 'ol Valentine's Day (my least favorite holiday) and we would know if we were selected that day. Our licensing worker called us and informed us they weren't able to make a decision between us and another family so they requested an additional 24 hours. All weekend long we prayed if this was the child for us. And to top it all off, Monday was a holiday so when Tuesday rolled around we were shocked that our family was picked!

Our phone call Tuesday also came with a little bit more information about the little girl. We were nervous but thought that was natural. We moved forward and was given our match meeting date in two weeks. As we waited we got a little bit more information. I joked that God was either giving us these bits of information at a time so we could digest it all or if He was saying hey you idiots I am trying to protect you. If we heard all of the information at once we probably would have decided not to move forward but we kept saying yes for some reason.

After our match meeting we got to see a picture of her and she was so cute! She had these chunky cheeks and oh so blonde hair. Her foster mother agreed I could call and ask her a few questions before we gave our final yes. And I am SO SO grateful for that opportunity. When talking with the foster mother, we learned we were dealing with two completely different girls than what CPS told us compared to the foster mother. We were able to ask a few questions to a child psychologist who was so helpful and helped make our final decision. In the end I never thought things would have changed so drastically in a weekend. Thursday afternoon we were 100% a yes after our match meeting and Sunday we were 100% sure this was not our daughter. It was heartbreaking to not more forward with this little girl. I don't know why things happened they way that they did but we did learn some important things we will use when getting another phone call. I pray the little girls finds the perfect home for her every need.

I know I am leaving out A LOT of details but Bryon and I have decided that we are not going to share everything because that is the child's story and not ours to share. We get to share with her the rest of her life and although her past is important it is not who she is. We know people are praying and rooting for us in this adventure of adoption. We want to share with you what we can.
Thank you to everyone for your support the last 2 weeks. We are blessed with amazing family and friends to get us through a rough time.

Oh January!

Well 2014 started off with a bang, 2 actually. Caden a week into the new year hit his head 2 days in a row and caused a concussion. The second hit to his head, he tripped over a toy and fell into an ikea shelf. I have never seen his little body panic with the pain he was going through. He wouldn't let me put ice on it and after taking a bit to calm down he went back to playing. That night he vomited around 3 in the morning. I cleaned up his bed and he went right back to sleep, not thinking at all about his head. Later that morning after Caden and I took Calvin to school, Caden started vomiting everywhere in the car. He was very calm in the morning, nothing like his usual self so I took him straight to the ER. His head CT came back negative for bleeding, which was great news. He was a bit unbalanced for the next day and a half but recovered quickly.

Later that week Caden started getting the runs. And after seeing so many children throwing up the in ER, it was probably inevitable that he was going to pick it up. So after a few days of Caden having the runs, Calvin gets a low grade fever and doesn't want to eat all day. I expect here we go again, two kids with the stomach flu. Little did I know Calvin would wake up in the morning in so much pain on his feet he walked like an old man. He had bumps all over him. I called the doctor and Calvin ended up with hand, foot and mouth disease. We avoided the flu for him, but it took a couple of days of pain meds and Benadryl to make Calvin comfortable.

So Caden still has the stomach flu, Calvin is miserable from hand, foot and mouth and now I start to feel bad. I got hit with one of the worst head colds I have ever had. I had chills and fever for about 3 days. Then as soon as my fever broke my head cleared up but it went straight into my chest. I ended up in the doctor's office and left with an inhaler, antibiotics for bronchitis and cough syrup. We were a germ filled house and Daddy managed to escape it all!

So January I am glad to say goodbye and we are happy and healthy enjoying a very warm February.

2013 Wrap Up

Well another year has come and gone and wow do the years go by faster with kids. This year has brought us much joy, laughter, sick kids, foster/adoption certification, scares and a 3 day trip to the Happiest Place on Earth.

Bryon-

This year Bryon continued his work on the NET squad and loves his job. Bryon and his squad found the city's largest drug bust to this date!  His former Sgt. moved positions that brought new stresses to the squad. He enjoys his squad mates and is looking to the future of what he wants in his career. After much talk of the city taking away a large majority of the NET squads, Bryon decided he is going to test for Sergeant. Both his current Sgt. and former Sgt. think this would be a great role for Bryon. He is starting to study just a mere thousand plus pages of ops orders. Bryon also volunteers every Tuesday at Calvin's preschool and tries to get into his class at least two times a month.

 

Emily-

While managing the kids and home life while Bryon is at work, we have also been doing respite care for foster children. The kids usually stay around 4 days and for some reason I keep saying yes to two kids at one time. It can be pretty crazy but so much fun. It has been a real eye opener to what we may face with our daughter one day. These poor kids have such real fear at such a young age. Other than that I have started my own photography business called, Simply Created Photography. I absolutely love it and as sad as it is I never want to return to the classroom. After changing some medication around to help with my headaches I had breast pain that would not go away. After going to the doctor, she decided to do a mammogram and imaging just to be on the safe side. The end result was negative and the doctor thinks it was all hormones. Very scary at the time but I am glad that I will have a great baseline when I have to do yearly mammograms.

 

Calvin-

Calvin started Preschool this year and had a rough start with illnesses. We picked up a few colds right at the beginning and then the dreaded croup hit Calvin. That is the one illness that will knock him down. While recovering from croup, Calvin ran a fever and became very lethargic and we got him an appointment that afternoon. Long story short, his pulse oxygen level was 87 and after 2 breathing treatments in the office, the doctor sent us over the Phoenix Children's Hospital. Calvin received the best help there and was treated for pneumonia and an asthma attack. Knock on wood ever since then Calvin has been illness free. Calvin is learning a lot of things in school and is writing his first and last name! He will soon learn how to write his phone number. He loves pretend play, sports, wrestling with Daddy, playing with Caden and helping Mommy bake. He is the sweetest little boy and the kindness he shows to his family and others, makes our hearts so happy.

 

Caden-

Caden oh Caden, this sweet loving boy is ALL boy and never shows fear. He is stuck in a 20 month old body but thinks he can do anything Calvin can do. He has the best appetite, LOVES his food, Yo Gabba Gabba, playing outside, riding his bike. Even though he is one tough little boy, he has the kindest heart and gives the best hugs and kisses. Caden this year gets to go to the nursery while Bryon and I aide at Calvin's preschool. He had a lot of anxiety when he first started going into the nursery even with me in there but now he loves Ms. Flo (his teacher) and is getting better when I am not in there with him.

We can't wait to see what 2014 brings to our family. Our prayers for the new year: We hope it will mean an addition to our family and being able to provide respite care for more children. For Bryon, we hope it brings a position he will enjoy and continued protection over him at work. For Emily, continuing to stay at home and raise our children and love on respite children. For Calvin, we hope he continues to conquer some more fears and stay illness free. And last but not least Caden, we hope he gains a little sense of fear and continues to love the world around him.

Love ,
The Bewley Family